Rothwell, Neil

This article originally appeared in the Portobello Buddhist Priory Newsletter, September—December 2019.

Fear is something that most people experience to a greater or lesser extent, and it can sometimes feel like an obstacle in training.

The various words used to describe fear point to its different aspects. The word “fear” itself refers to the basic emotion. “Stress” highlights the external triggers of the fear, pressures in the environment which are not usually an immediate danger. “Anxiety” points to the pathological aspects; irrational fears that can impair our functioning. Anxiety is also a clinical diagnosis, but it exists on a spectrum from mild to severe, the milder end being in the normal range of experience. “Worry” highlights the stream of thoughts and visualisations in the mind which maintain or produce the fear. “Unease” is the low-level background emotion which is quite common. Anger is closely related to fear; we talk about the fight or flight reaction.

The experience of fear can be divided into three aspects. Firstly, thoughts are often predominant, as in worry. These thoughts are often unrealistic – we think that something bad is going to happen, whereas in reality, it is unlikely. When we look back on worry, we tend to find that events did not turn out the way we thought they would. The second aspect is body sensations. These are real, physical sensations which are the body gearing itself up for flight or fight. They are harmless, being a normal body function. Thoughts and body sensations are intimately linked. The body reacts to thoughts, and arousal in the body causes temporary changes in the brain which tend to cause us to think in “black-and-white” terms rather than more subtly. The final aspect is action. All emotions are gearing the body and mind for action. In the case of fear, the action tendency is avoidance. It is significant that, in zazen, we do not engage in these actions, but continue to sit while the emotions arise and pass.

Fear can be thought of as an inheritance of a human body, something evolved in our ancestors to survive in difficult circumstances. Our upbringing can also be an influence. As children, we learn what is safe and dangerous partly by watching the reactions of the people around us, and if they are displaying a lot of fear, we will tend to pick this up. Certain aspects of our current society can also contribute e.g. an over emphasis on external achievement. These factors again highlight the universality of fear.

Like everything else, fear is impermanent. All emotions are inherently unstable, designed to elicit a response then to subside. Sometimes, fear does not go away as quickly as we would wish. It seems to linger, but if we look closely, we see that it is constantly changing. For example, it may disappear for a while, but then an anxious thought occurs which reactivates it. This is why it can be helpful to let go of the concept of fear when we meditate. When an emotion initially occurs, it can sometimes be helpful to name it, as a form of recognition and acceptance, but then dropping the label allows us to see the moment-to-moment experience, and how it ebbs and flows rather than being something solid.

There is much to be learned from fear. The willingness to sit through it strengthens our faith in zazen. We see it is possible to experience intense emotion while still maintaining the awareness of meditation. Zazen enables us to let go of the thought patterns which trigger and maintain the fear. We can receive insight into the mental investments which underlie fear. In doing so, we start to see the roots of fear. For me, this is often self-doubt and fear of fear itself, but underneath this is a wish to be caring and helpful – it’s just that I can get too attached to how this should express itself. Seeing these roots helps us to stop generating as much fear. We can sense its pure and empty nature. It is a liberating process, and therefore we can welcome fear when it arises, even though it is never going to be pleasant.

Fearlessness develops out of this. Training causes us to see our fears more clearly, and then to confront them. This can mean acting even while experiencing fear, rather than avoiding it, if that is what feels right to do. So fearlessness is not the absence of fear. We can act without being dictated to by fear, while still taking it into account. I saw an example of this at a conference I attended a while ago. It was a large conference and the person organising it was constantly responding to problems and questions from people, while giving off an aura of calmness. I mentioned this to her later, and she said that other people had picked up on this calmness, but that she was tense inside. By being aware of this tension, she was able to experience it while still transmitting a sense of peacefulness.

As we come to know fear in ourselves, we accept our vulnerability, and see more clearly how fear affects the people around us. This deepens our empathy and connection with others.