Rothwell, Neil

Kind Leadership

Neil Rothwell

—Leith, Edinburgh–Scotland—

The above title is the name of an e-book written particularly for people in a leadership position at work but much of it can apply to work and non-work situations more generally. I do not talk about Buddhism or meditation in the book, but the content is underpinned by what I have learned from the practice of zazen, applied to my work in the NHS. This extract is taken from the final chapter called “Leadership and Kindness”. The book is available on Amazon: Kind Leadership e-book.

This extract also appeared in the Portobello Buddhist Priory Newsletter September – December 2020.

I have not mentioned the word ‘kindness’ very much throughout this book, even though it is in the title. We all know what kindness is. It is perhaps easier to recognise in others than in ourselves. When we act kindly we are often not aware of it; there is simply a sense of doing what’s needed at the time. Kindness is at the foundation of our nature. Evidence of this is that if there is an incident in the street e.g. an old person falls over, people around will instinctively turn towards the person to see if they can help. The people don’t think “how can I be kind here?” it is just something hard-wired into us. Similarly, people often remark how much news in the media is negative. If all the news reported was good, we would unconsciously think “this is how things are meant to be – in line with kindness” and not take too much notice. This would not make a profit for the news media. When we see things are wrong, that same part of us thinks “let me find more about this” with a view to seeing if there is anything we can do to help.

This natural foundation of kindness is one of the reasons I have not mentioned it much in the rest of the book. It can be helpful to cultivate kindness within oneself, for example asking the question, “What is the kindest thing to do here?” On the whole, though, being kind tends to be most effective when it isn’t too self-conscious. We can try too hard to be kind, although even that is probably better than being unkind. If we have the intention to be kind, it will tend to flow more easily.

An attempt to be kind can highlight things within ourselves that inhibit this response. Anger and fear are two of main ones. Being a leader can involve many situations which are stressful. The stress can be caused by doubts about ourselves and the people we work with. Emotions can be divided into three components: thoughts, actions and body (or TAB for short, from the initials of the three words). The initial reaction is often a bodily one. For example if we become either afraid or angry, our heartbeat increases. We may become sweaty or physically tense. This is the body gearing up for action (fight or flight). Thoughts may include something like “I’m going to make a mess of this” for fear, or “How dare they!” for anger. Often there is a stream of thoughts like this that keep the feeling going. The more we think about it, the longer the feeling lasts. Thinking can even produce an emotion without any external provocation. For example, worry is a stream of thoughts that on its own can produce anxiety.

The third component is how we act on the feeling. Being unaware of the thoughts and bodily sensations can lead to an overreaction, for example, speaking angrily and saying things we later regret, or, giving in to someone when we are afraid, when it would be really best to stand our ground. To break free of this, we need to stand back and look inwards at our own reaction rather than just focusing on the situation in front of us. Take a breath. By recognising that we are afraid, stressed or angry, we bring these emotions into conscious awareness, which means they are no longer controlling us. This creates a space where we can actively choose how best to act. Given this choice, people tend to act more kindly than they otherwise would have done. This means we can act effectively even when we have these feelings. Emotions can be useful and it is not necessary to try to get rid of them, but to see them as part of a bigger picture rather than letting them control our actions.

Kindness can seem like a soft option but it does not stand against clear decision-making. I have seen a fair bit of poor decision-making in the public sector and elsewhere and this is often the result of one of two things. The most common is fear of change. People can be afraid of either offending someone or simply going into the unknown. Hopefully the collaborative approach described in this book will help minimise the number of people who feel alienated by the changes. It is normal to feel challenged by going into the unknown, but with support and involvement people are more likely to see it as an exciting opportunity.

The second common cause for poor decision-making is excess personal ambition on the part of the leader. Sometimes a new manager will come into a new post and try to change things quickly in order to prove themselves. The symptoms of this type of change is staff feeling alienated and a sense of ‘change for the sake of change’. Of course, it is rare that everyone will be happy with change but neither should most people feel unhappy.

In contrast, decisions fuelled by kindness tend to be productive. The main thing is to look at the totality of the situation. Kindness needs to apply to everyone, not just the person in front of us or the one who is most vociferous. Often there seems to be a conflict between peoples’ needs in a situation but experience has shown me that a good decision ultimately tends to be in the best interests of everyone.

Kindness also takes courage. Trying to be kind in a position of leadership can feel like swimming against the stream. We may feel there is an expectation from others (or even ourselves) to be more authoritarian or ‘dynamic’. The fact that you are reading this book shows that you feel there is something more to leadership than this, and in following this sense you will be moving towards a more fulfilling and effective job for both yourself and those around you.