Scholastica Hicks, Rev. Master

 

This is an edited transcript of a Dharma talk given at Shasta Abbey in June 2022 to commemorate Memorial Day.

Last Sunday, we concluded our Jukai Retreat. It’s always inspiring for me to see new people coming and taking the Precepts.  I had the honour to give the second talk during the retreat, which was just after they had formally taken Lay Ordination, and I talked about the Light of the Precepts. And part of that came out of all the references that I’ve come across about the Precepts being our guiding light.

There’s a verse in our closing ceremony that goes, “The light of the Buddha is increasing in brilliance and the wheel of the Dharma is always turning.” And I asked myself, “Now, how does that happen? Does it happen by itself? Can we just stand there and watch it getting lighter, or is there something we need to do?” The combination of that question plus all of the ceremonies of Jukai and taking of the Precepts just called out to me – we’re the one that causes that increase in brilliance. And it seems so obvious, right? How can I not have thought of this before? The light of the Buddha will always be there but we’re the ones that cause it to increase in brilliance. And it seemed to me that it was through meditation and vowing to take the Precepts, to keep the Precepts, vowing to make them our blood and bones – that’s what increases the brilliance of the Buddha.

Then the thought came up, “What comes after taking the Precepts?” Well, I talked a lot about what happened for me as a layperson, when I took the Precepts back in 1986 and I asked myself again, “Well, what happens now? It’s been a long time since I’ve taken the Precepts. I’ve had the good fortune to be a monastic, to be Rev. Master Jiyu’s disciple, so what is there now for me?” And one of the thoughts that came up is that we have to be able to re-arrange our life, if we’re going to follow the light of the Precepts.

I found it especially interesting to be giving a talk about the light of the Precepts as we commemorate Memorial Day, considering the situation in our world today. Memorial Day came about after the Civil War. So we’ve been remembering those who have died in battle for many, many years and when I was growing up, I thought that those who died in battle were soldiers who had volunteered out of the goodness of their heart to do what seemed to be the good thing to do. But of course, at least in my memory since the Vietnam War, and certainly right now, there are hundreds, if not thousands of people just like you and me – not soldiers, not in the military – children and adults who are dying every day as a result of war. So it reaffirmed for me that there are two ways to go. One is total despair. “Will we ever change? Will the world ever change?” I may not be able to do anything living in the monastery here in Mount Shasta to actually help what’s going on in Ukraine; however I can look toward the teaching that we have as Buddhists and ask, “Am I putting my whole heart and soul into my meditation? Am I putting my whole heart and soul, every day, into keeping the Precepts?” So that’s what I’d like to talk a little bit about today.

The ‘light’ is our practice. It’s our everyday practice and we can increase that light, or we can decrease it, depending on how we lead our daily life. I think that sometimes my life is like a revolving door. I go in at the beginning of the day, with the intention of coming out in the evening, having done such and such, yet all I seem to have done is go around and around and there doesn’t seem to be an out – I’m just kind of circling around. And then there are the swinging doors, which are more straightforward, I think. You just kind of go in, make an effort and come out on the other side. And what came up for me is the thought that it’s up to us whether we want to have our day be a revolving door, or a swinging door. Do we want to just repeat all the mistakes that we’ve made and all the good intentions that don’t come to fruition? Or do we want to say, “Wait, let me ask for help here. Let me make gasshō; let me say the Three Homages, and let me look at what I’m doing right now.”

I think the Precepts are helpful in this regard, because they can really ground us; they can provide a centering and widening of our perspective. So I think Precepts are an excellent antidote for our karmic propensities, because that’s what the Precepts do. They look at our karma and say, “Oh, you’re breaking this Precept again. Why are you doing this? Do you want to continue this?” For myself, after all these years, why am I still criticising? Why am I still judging? Well, maybe I do it because I’m so good at it, you know, I’ve been doing it for so long(!) But somehow, I think I want to go deeper than that. And when I was looking through Rev. Master Leandra’s book, Birth and Death, in the chapter called Practice and Keeping the Precepts, I thought she really answers the question, “What’s the karmic connection of our keeping the Precepts?” so I’m going to read two paragraphs to you:

There are threads of behaviour that have become deeply ingrained between self and other, deeply ingrained over the years of training together. Slowly, slowly these threads can untangle, but due to ‘habit energy’ they can loop around again and again. If we’re not really on the ball spiritually, we can stumble over the loops. A wise master recently described them as imps. We each have our own particular imps, our own particular samsaric feedback loops.¹

I read this particularly thinking about my continued habit of criticising others; not accepting others; speaking ill of others. It’s appalling to realise that I’ve been practicing for years and years, and I’m still breaking these Precepts every day. And I can think back to being in the world 30 years ago, the way I responded to my family and my friends and my co-workers, so this is not something that’s just come up for me as a monastic. This has been with me a long time. She continues:

Accepting this, there is a sadness that arises in me, which is both personal and not personal. I bow in gratitude as the sadness arises, as I’m being offered the opportunity to take responsibility for all the mistakes I have made, and continue to make, in spite of what seems to be my longing to do better.

Sound familiar?

Surely to not blame myself, circumstances or other people is a pathway of growth and maturation, surely it leads to a deepening insight into the samsaric web I am weaving through my feelings, thoughts and actions. Surely thus I see more clearly the karmic consequences that ripple out endlessly.

Our kōans keep revealing themselves again and again, which alerts us to the realisation that they are not yet totally converted.

That’s a really optimistic statement, because when my mistakes come up, when I think, “Oh my goodness, why am I doing this again?” I can bow in gratitude that it’s coming up, that I recognise it, and I have the choice of continuing or changing it. She continues:

As Rev. Master Jiyu said, the highest kōans are the Precepts. Our attempts to live a moral life in a world such as this one is what makes the kōan appear naturally in daily life. The Precepts are more than morality. Rather, they are a doorway to profound religious understanding. They help us find the light of Buddha that is always increasing in brilliance, and not to kill it in ourselves or others. When we can refrain from killing Buddha in all the little acts of daily life, goodness will take care of itself. There is a generosity of response that does not depend on rules and regulations. We forget the small self and its self-centred focus on what it feels it needs. Perhaps what the small self feels is what it wants, rather than what it needs.¹

I found that very encouraging, and helpful. And so out of that question “What comes after the Precepts?” I try to ask myself frequently throughout the day, “Am I doing what needs to be done?” And when I shine a light on this question, it often reveals that what I’m doing is what I want to do. Not necessarily what is good to do. And this has been a real revelation for me.

A few weeks ago Rev. Master Daishin gave a lovely Sunday Dharma talk on confidence, humility, and fearlessness. And remembering his teaching has aided my approach to putting the Precepts foremost in my life and being willing to ask, “Am I doing what’s good to do? Am I doing what I need to do?” And I realised that confidence for me is confidence both in my own ability to change my thoughts and behaviour, and also my confidence in the sense that, “This is the way to go – this is a good path to follow.

People have been following the Precepts for years and years and years. And all I need to do is look around and listen to or read the news and see the consequences of breaking the Precepts. And while my breakage of the Precepts may not be as horrendous as what’s going on today, but still, I am sometimes killing the Buddha. I am sometimes defaming the Buddha. I am sometimes demeaning the Three Treasures. So, it’s not for me to compare the havoc that I cause and the havoc that’s being caused by others. It’s for me to have compassion for whoever is causing the horrors, and for those who are enduring the horrors, and to have the humility to ask, “What can I do about my own self?” Also I need to have the humility to ask for help from other members of the Sangha; from the Dharma that I read, and from the teachings that I received from Rev. Master Jiyu.

The third aspect that Rev. Master Daishin talked about was fearlessness which is not something that I associate with myself – although I’ve certainly done some crazy things in my life that some people would say were fearless, and other people would say were totally bizarre. But I think we have to put aside the image that we have of ourselves, we have to put aside the identity that most of us have nurtured for a good number of years, and we have to not worry about the fear that comes up, but be confident that we’re going to have the courage that comes out of our practice to do what needs to be done.

To promote our practice of the Precepts we need to think about re-arranging our life. “Am I giving enough time, enough effort and enough love to my practice of the Precepts?” I recently decided to start re-reading some of the teachings that I have found helpful. I often go back to Reverend Master Jiyu’s teachings in Roar of the Tigress, Vol. One. And during Jukai I wondered what she has to say about the Precepts, particularly about the Precepts that I find myself still working on: being proud of myself, devaluing others and speaking against others. This is a paragraph where she talks about that:

I used to love gossip at one time, and I can remember that I decided the one [Precept] I was going to start with was talking about others. And I discovered that for three days I didn’t say a word, which showed me how much wasted breath I’ve been coming out with. And then I started thinking about how to talk to people and about what was truly useful conversation. So you start from the known and you work to the unknown. And by keeping one Precept, you end up keeping a whole lot and you end up knowing the Eternal and that’s really what you’re out to do.²

I also went back to another book that’s been helpful to me, titled Invoking Reality by the late John Daido Loori which is all about the Precepts. It’s a very small book, but it’s also a very large book. Here’s a paragraph in his chapter on the moral and ethical teachings of Zen.

We live in a time period of considerable moral crisis, with an erosion of values and a fragmentation of meaning prevalent throughout the fabric of society. The crisis impacts on us personally, as a nation, and as a planet. The injuries that we inflict on each other, and on our environment can only be healed by sound moral and ethical commitment. And that doesn’t mean being puritanical. It doesn’t mean being moralistic. These Precepts have a vitality that is unique in the great religions, they are alive, not fixed. They function broadly and deeply, taking into account the intricacies and subtleties of conditions encountered. There is so much to learn. The Precepts are incredibly profound. Don’t take them lightly. They are direct. They are subtle. They are bottomless, please use them. Press up against them, push them, see where they take you. Make them your own. They are no small thing by any measure. They nourish, they heal, and they give life to the Buddha.³

And the life that they give to the Buddha is the light that increases in brilliance – the light that is our responsibility. I find reminders to be helpful and when I was thinking, “How can I do better, how can I do better at keeping the Precepts?”

I happened across a book that I had gotten not too long ago.  It’s by Jon J. Muth. He’s an illustrator and author of several books on Zen. This one is titled Zen Happiness. Well, we may not usually think of happiness along with Zen, but I was curious to see what he had to say. And these were twelve meditations that he had adapted from some of the traditional Buddhist writings. And I’m going to read you six of them.

“Be someone you want to be around.” I immediately thought “right on”…that says it all, doesn’t it? … about my criticism, my judgement, my anger. And for me, “Be someone you want to be around” speaks of all-acceptance, of just accepting whatever situation we’re in. It doesn’t mean approving of it; it doesn’t mean, “Oh, this doesn’t need to change.” It just means accepting it. But I really liked “Be someone you want to be around” and I’m going to work on that one, as I hope to on all of these.

Secondly, he said, “What we do now is what matters most.” And I thought to myself, you know Dōgen so often says, “Life is transient. Train as urgently as you would if your hair was on fire” and yet I find myself putting off something that needs to be done. Neglecting to say “Thank you” or writing a letter to someone. I’m so far behind in my correspondence with prison inmates, it’s embarrassing. And that’s one of the things I’m going to start doing today. So what we do now, right in this moment, is what matters most.

The third thing Jon Muth says is “What we think, we can become.” That works both ways: if we have positive thoughts, that’s what is going to come out. And if we have negative thoughts, that’s what’s going to come out. And our thoughts translate into our speech and behaviour. This is nothing new, we all know this right? So remember, “What we think is what we can become.”

His fourth little reminder is, “Be kind to yourself; whatever you do today, let it be enough.” I thought, how many of us have either grown up as children and teenagers or in our workplaces in our career, thinking we always have to do a little more? Well, in one sense, that’s good. Rev. Master Jiyu said, “Do the best you can, and if you can do a little better, do it.” But let us be accepting and content with what we do. Let it be enough, and stop judging ourselves. And I think for me, this is where forgiveness comes in. Can I forgive myself for not being perfect? I mean, my mother wanted me to be perfect when I was very, very young, and I wanted to be perfect as I grew older, and I think somewhere in me there is a need to be a perfect monk. But of course I’m not, and I can’t ever be perfect.  Can I forgive myself for not being perfect? Can you forgive yourself for not being perfect? (Although actually, we are all perfect just as we are.)

And then, next to last, he says, “You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect.” So of course I don’t know what goes on in your mind…I often don’t know what goes on in my mind! But I don’t think of myself as deserving love and respect and yet, as I look deeper, as I go deeper into the Precepts, as I become more willing to look at my own mind, I realise that if I don’t love and respect myself it’s going to be very difficult to love and respect other people. And that’s what I ultimately want to do – to be able to accept everyone for who they are, and to love and respect my sister and brother monks, each of you and everyone, everywhere.

In closing, Muth writes, “May all beings have happy minds.” And I thought that’s like the Metta Verse isn’t it? You know, “May all beings be happy. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be well”, but I never quite thought of it that way. May all beings have happy minds. So to offer merit, not only for ourselves – to offer ourselves love and respect – but to offer merit for those near and those far; even when we don’t understand what they’re doing. And I realised that we can feel that empathy with every single person in the world, if we wish to offer love and respect to everyone, if our major wish is “May all beings have happy minds.”

Let us take refuge in the Buddha,

Let us take refuge in the Dharma,

Let us take refuge in the Sangha.

 

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Notes

1. Robertshaw, Rev. Master Leandra, Birth and Death, Throssel Hole Press, 2022, pp. 60-61.
2. Jiyu-Kennett, Rev. Master P.T.N.H., Roar of the Tigress, Vol. One. Tuttle Publishing, 2000, p. 134.
3. Loori, John Daidō, Invoking Reality: Moral and Ethical Teachings of Zen. Shambhala, 2007, pp.6-7.
4. Muth, Jon J., Zen Happiness. Scholastic Press, New York, 2019.