This article first appeared in the May-August 2023 issue of the Portobello Priory Newsletter.

You must know the ideal; you must accept the actual. Only thus can you help others and yourself.

― Rōshi P.T.N.H. Jiyu-Kennett, The Wild, White Goose: The Diary of a Female Zen Priest

I have just completed my 100^th day meditating every morning. The only space I can find in our busy household is underneath the stairs like a middle-aged meditating version of Harry Potter. It has taken me 27 years of trying to have a daily meditation practice. The fact I am immensely attached to and proud of that milestone is testament to how far I still have to go.

The ability to commit, and sit, in meditation every morning has little to do with me and everything to do with my recent experience of sangha over the past year.

In 2017 I founded a community well-being charity, The Haven in Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire. During that time we have had several different meditation traditions hire the space which I was always delighted about. I have gone to them all, with varying degrees of engagement and attendance. I always find it hopeful to just be and learn from like-minded people. Yet these experiences were always transitory. Every meditation venue hire at The Haven filled me up but when they left it felt empty again.

Last year the Aberdeenshire Sōtō Zen Meditation Group began holding meditation every Thursday night from 7.30 ‒ 9pm at The Haven. Having witnessed numerous attempts for meditation at The Haven I observed a different quality in this one. A core handful of people that have been meditating together for over 30 years. What I had identified is the strength and power of sangha.

At The Haven one of our values is community, which we define as the power of inclusion and belonging. What the Aberdeenshire Sōtō Zen group embodied through sangha was very aligned to what we value as an organisation.

With my work I spend a lot of time in the wellbeing ‘industry’. I am still taken by surprise at how political, territorial and judgmental it can be. Truthfully, my experiences have made me shy away from wellbeing communities, outside of The Haven, and the concept of sangha.

What I appreciated with the Aberdeenshire Sōtō Zen members was their ordinariness. I mean that as the highest compliment. In my time with this sangha I saw how subtle, humble and gentle the members are. These were clearly experienced meditators yet they welcomed people new to meditation as equals. They looked just like everyone else, didn’t try to teach anyone, or claim to know anything at all really. How refreshing.

Thursday night with the Aberdeenshire Sōtō Zen Sangha is the highlight of my week. Knowing that there is a dedicated time where I can just sit and meditate with other people has been a huge comfort. In a demanding modern world which I feel has become somewhat flaky and full of expectations, I know I can lean into this committed and strong sangha and find some respite.

Our conversations after meditation are never boring! Some of the discussions include how one meditates with a hangover and how football crowds could benefit from meditation.

There were some elements of Sōtō Zen practice that took me a while to acclimatise to. At first I found the reading of the Rules for Meditation before every meditation challenging and verging on cultish. However, my experience of sangha was quite the opposite; no one was trying to convert me or asking me to pay vast sums of money to be there. Now I find the ritual of reading the rules illuminating. How can I read the same words every week and discover new aspects like it was my first time reading it?

It was similar to chanting the Ancestral Line. Originally I found it a bit cumbersome, embarrassing to pronounce the words wrong or out of time. Now I find it a beautiful way to honour all those who came before and played a part in me being able to sit and meditate. Part of the power of sangha has been giving me space to come out of my conditioning and change the pre-conceived qualities of my mind.

Looking beyond my first 100 days of daily meditation I am planning to celebrate my first year of meditation this New Year’s Eve at Throssel Hole. My intuitive sense to honour this time of year has always been to be quiet, reflective and present. Now I have found a sangha that shares that same intention too.