It’s been about a year since I took the Precepts in May 2023. Yes, I had an idea about what I was doing.  No, I had no idea about what “taking the Precepts” meant for me.I came to practice about five years ago in 2019 in the midst of suffering. I was stressed in my job in animal welfare fundraising.  Then the Carr Fire happened here in Redding. Then the Camp Fire in my hometown of Paradise.  Then we lost our next door neighbor under really tragic circumstances. The experience was kind of like a hammer bam-bam-bam… and at some point I just flattened into depression.Fortunately, I was able to find help in a variety of ways – including from the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha – and slowly over time, I got better. After attending Segaki in 2022, there were so many attendees there from all over that said, “Wow – you’re so lucky to have a Priory near you.” I felt a strong resolve to take advantage of this good fortune and committed to sitting every morning and to taking the Precepts, which I did in May 2023.

Jukai at Shasta Abbey was a powerful experience for me and there was a moment where I felt like my whole world reoriented, like a compass finding magnetic north. I remember towards the end of the week, thinking “This is going to be fun… to see if I can do this challenge and uphold these Precepts in daily life outside the Abbey.”

I got home and had an interesting trio of things happen within one week, including a near-death experience while driving on the highway, a body being found near the canal behind our house, and my mom falling victim to a social security scam. It was like the universe was saying “What was this you said about a fun challenge?” My response was simply, “Woah.”

There was a lot of opportunity to spin out, but I found it more like I was in the middle of a storm and watching things go on around me, with the task to not churn it up more. I was often (not always) able to make a conscious choice not to feed anger. Many people said, “Scammers are terrible! Are you so mad at them?” And yes, there was anger, but also, compassion, as I thought, “What sad circumstances are they in that led them to this as a vocation, and what kind of karma are they generating?”

And at some point around this time, it occurred to me that upholding the Precepts is a series of hundreds of conscious micro-choices during the day… And that the practice of sitting in zazen helps us look at our thoughts and recognize these moments of decision. And the practice of trying to maintain the Precepts helps us make better choices in those moments.  In this way, sitting and the Precepts go together.

Though I mostly work with the kōan of daily life, I recently read a kōan in The Hidden Lamp: Stories from 25 centuries of Awakened Women¹ that sums it up:

“Bhikkhuni Kabilsingh Keeps the Precepts: Thailand, Twentieth Century.”

 

Venerable Bhikkhuni Voramai Kabilsingh was the first Thai woman to receive full ordination as a bhikkuni. As is required in bhikkhuni ordinations, she took three hundred and eleven precepts. A young man who was visiting her asked, “How can you keep all three hundred and eleven precepts?”

She answered “I keep only one precept.”

The young man, surprised, asked “What is that?”

She replied, “I just watch my mind.”

When I took the Precepts, my western mind thought, “What is next? What’s my next goal?” and it has simply been to follow them as best as I can through the situations that come my way. Regular student-teacher sanzen with Rev. Master Helen has been invaluable in working with the kōan of daily life.

Daily life gives us a lot of opportunity for this preceptual challenge. I feel like perhaps nowhere is this more evident than at Costco. The Redding Costco is a great place to practice every minute meditation and the bhikkhuni’s ‘One precept of watching the mind’ …then make conscious choices to follow the Precepts.

My experience of the dharma of Costco starts before I even get to Costco. As a person who doesn’t like crowds, or shopping, my default state is typically “Ugh, I have to go to Costco; how can I put this off or can my husband go?” But the past year, working with “right mind”, I’ve sometimes been able to see that thought and choose to be grateful for being able to shop at Costco in the first place. To be alive, to have the means and the goods available is such a rare privilege.

For those of you who haven’t experienced the new Redding Costco, the city built a multi-lane traffic circle in a region where drivers haven’t had much opportunity to become experienced with single-lane traffic circles. Just like the drive to the Abbey is the beginning of a retreat, going through the traffic circle begins the Costco experience and is my first signal to really get present in the moment and be as mindful as possible, for my safety and the safety of others.

As an immunocompromised person in the post-pandemic world, I still get nervous going into Costco. But I wear a mask, recall “Om to the one who leaps beyond all fear”² then just try to let it go. Sometimes it’s easier than others. I find the ‘Serenity Prayer’ also helpful in this situation:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I can’t change the fact that people come to Costco when they are sick and cough and put their germy hands on the cart (the Precept of not devaluing others comes into play here) but I can watch my mind and choose to not run away with germaphobia.

My first stop in the store is often the returns desk. I create my own cyclical hell realms and buying and returning clothes that don’t fit because there is no dressing room is one of them. Over and over, buying and returning clothes. I recall a poem shared with our sangha:

Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson:

I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.³

One day I will learn how to walk down another street but for now I think I’m in chapter III; I’m still walking down the same street to the Costco returns desk…but at least I know I’m there.

The way the store is arranged, the next section is home goods and a detour into said clothing section. I find these sections a preceptual challenge in terms of not coveting. Recently, I felt I didn’t have enough clothes for a work trip and got mildly frantic – and majorly annoyed – that after digging through stacks of sweaters, they had dozens available but none in my size. The grasping! There MUST be one in ‘Small’ (there was not). At some point I caught the thoughts and was able to remind myself: you have everything you need. And I did.

I make my way to the food section and boom – impermanence. Costco is expert at carrying a product for a while, then pulling it forever. Clinging, suffering, dukkha… “Why do they no longer have mango habanero chips and eco dish sponges? Are they ever going to get coconut milk back in?” Can I let this coveting go and accept this anicca?

Costco is known for its quantities, and inevitably I’ll come across something on our list that is very heavy, that I know I won’t be able to pick up without back or neck pain flaring up. I beat myself up and resolve to be better about doing PT exercises. Hopefully at some point I recall the flipside of the Precept of not devaluing others, which is to not devalue oneself. There are usually other options like getting a smaller quantity at another store, or making do without, or waiting until my husband can go. In Ajahn Sumedo’s book Don’t Take Your Life Personally, he has a very helpful acceptance mantra: “It is like this.”⁴

The store flow ends with health products and the pharmacy. Waiting in line to pick up prescriptions, I’m struck with first three of the five remembrances:

1. 1. I am of the nature to grow old, I cannot escape old age.
   2. I am of the nature to get sick, I cannot escape sickness.
   3. I am of the nature to die, I cannot escape death.⁵

Sometimes I use the time in line to check my phone but if I’m on my A-game, I meditate with gratitude for pharmacists and the Buddha’s prescription for reducing suffering by following the Noble Eightfold Path including Right View. In living with chronic illness, I have found it true for myself that all-acceptance is the key to the gateless gate.

The checkout often provides the conditions to devalue and judge others. Wow – that person is buying an entire cart of vodka and chicken wings. If I catch this thought, I can choose another: they may be putting on a fundraiser. They may be serving it at a funeral. They may need some help. Or they may really just like vodka and chicken wings. Perhaps I can offer merit instead of being judgmental and devaluing others.

“Would you like anything from the food court” asks the cashier. For years, it was a tradition to check out with a polish dog and a soda. Now I have the opportunity to think deeply of the ways and means by which the hot dog has come and make a different choice to follow the Precept of not killing. Sometimes that choice is nothing, sometimes it’s frozen yogurt. Recently they added a giant chocolate chip cookie to the menu; I will leave you to explore that option.

Sometimes I get home and I realize I bought a gallon jug of ginger citron tea or a mountain of produce that we won’t be able to eat before it goes bad and there is an opportunity to not be mean in giving… Catching this, I can make a choice to be generous and share with family or a neighbor.

When I break a Precept in Costco, or anywhere for that matter, I hope that first I can realize that I’ve broken it, then accept the consequences and resolve to do better next time. We don’t vow to be perfect. We vow to sit and we vow to try to keep up the challenge of following the Precepts and always go on beyond.

Notes

1. The Hidden Lamp: Stories from 25 centuries of Awakened Women Edited by Zenshin Florence Caplow and Reigetsu Susan Moon. Wisdom Publications, 2013.
2. The Liturgy of the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives for the Laity.. Shasta Abbey Press, 1990.
3. Nelson, Portia, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery. Beyond Words Publishing, 1993.
4. Sumedho, Ajahn, Don’t Take Your Life Personally. Buddhist Publishing Group, 2010.
5. From the Upajjhatthana Sutta, (Anguttara Nikaya 5.57.)