Teresa Dorey

Anyone who has experienced intense anxiety in the form of panic attacks will know how this manifests: the racing heartbeat, hands shaking, difficulty breathing and speaking. As a lay trainee I train with a meditation practice; it is private and personal. Ceremonial practice is a different dimension of training – letting go of the ego as self-consciousness is a challenge intrinsic to this form of training.

As trainees sometimes we are asked to take on a ceremonial role. Letting go of fear, being willing to make mistakes, being prepared to do something badly, is difficult.  Singing some wrong notes, sounding erratic ring-downs; I feel disappointed.  But I have wholeheartedly offered the best my body can do, and I know fellow sangha members understand this; there is a collective empathy.

Issue: only available as part of Journal, Summer 2018 pdf to download

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