Fuden Nessi, Rev. Master

This article is based on an online Dharma talk to the German congregation in October 2021.

May we not let anything, past or present, get in the way of our taking refuge in Buddha within our heart.

There can be times when aspects of our inner life and of our humanity seem to convince us that this refuge is not accessible for us anymore. That we have lost our access to the Buddha-heart, or even that it was never there for us. This is a deception, an illusory perception. It is important that we counter it when it arises. It is about this I would like to speak here.

We often take our mental constructions at face value, to be solid realities without questioning them. We can observe this quite well when it comes to images that our mind projects about ourselves. These mind-images often get very solidified over time, and we tend to take them as the definitive truth about ourselves. Many factors underlie these images that we then carry around with us. For example, remembrance of our past actions and of how we responded to particular situations in life, the feelings that certain habitual ways of thinking left in us, and so forth.

These representations that our mind keeps projecting can leave behind a certain seemingly permanent ‘flavour’ in us. In Southwestern Germany, where our temple is located, there is the expression of a ‘Gschmäckle’. This word literally means “a little taste or flavour”, but in a figurative sense it is often used to refer to a persistent little aftertaste, usually an unpleasant one, that someone’s actions leave one with. We can perceive our humanity in a similar way, as being imbued with a subtle, yet almost all-pervading negative flavour, that can then appear to us as a hindrance, preventing us from being in touch with our true nature. We tend to take this even further. Every time we look at ourselves, we do it in a judgmental way that is based on this flavour’. If we keep this up, it can lead us to a very dismal inner landscape.

Of course, all the above doesn’t mean that we can just disregard what the mind reflects back to us about ourselves. These reflections can contain some very important information we really need to look at. The problem though, is when our looking is done from the position of the judgmental mind. The mind that judges, constructs a fixed reality out of everything, and our resulting perception of things then tends to be quite distorted.

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Thankfully, there is another way to approach our humanity: when aspects of it are reflected back to us, we can learn to look at them with an open heart, a heart that is non-judgmental and does not turn away from what it perceives, even if it is something quite unpleasant. This involves an unconditional “Yes” of the heart. This “Yes” is a jewel in our spiritual life, because looking at what the mind projects with this all-accepting openness tends to bring forth in us a very positive and important intention. In words, this heart-intent could be expressed as something like: “It is my deep wish to be here for whatever needs help, I am willing!” This “Yes” and the willingness are an essential prerequisite for that within ourselves which is pained to receive the help that it needs.

In the Invocation of Achalanatha that we recite every evening it says: “May we within the temple of our own hearts dwell, amidst the myriad mountains”. In relation to what was said so far, these mountains could represent our solid and fixed views of things and of ourselves, which can then seem to us as unsurpassable obstacles and a hindrance that keeps us from having access to our true nature. Or they can become a precious gateway into the Dharma. The “Yes” I have been referring to is a living, dynamic expression of the temple of our own heart.

So, for the gate into the Dharma to open more fully, we need to learn to look at all the facets of our humanity that we find troubling with that all-accepting heart that simply wishes to help. Our perception will then change. Our human traits that we used to find disturbing are then perceived as something much more provisional than the solid realities we took them to be. And, we perceive them as being within the precious stream of our spiritual effort, not as something we have to battle with. Above all, at times something in us recognizes that our humanity is not separate from our true nature (more on this subject later on).

Looking at our humanity with an open heart of all-acceptance is an important step for moving beyond the self. And, as we step beyond our fixed views, likes and dislikes and judgments of aspects of ourselves, our heart tends to also open more widely with empathy and understanding for others and for their suffering.

Here is an example from my own life, in the hope that it will reflect aspects of what I have been trying to explain. At some stage, I would regularly have a painful memory arise, particularly at times when inwardly I was “at the end of my tether” for one reason or another. The memory had to do with the feeling of not having been there for someone I was very close to, when they really needed help. At the time, I had often contemplated how to concretely help the person, but I couldn’t find a way to do this. When the person then died, over and over I kept on reproaching myself. This had a great potential for creating and recreating a lingering negative self-image, on top of the deep regret.

I can remember how later on, when turning for help to Buddha in the heart with the pained feelings evoked by this memory, a turn-around would often take place. When looking with an open willingness and with an inner Gasshō at the memory – including my omissions – after a while this used to give rise to an upward-turned movement of the heart that left me with great gratitude for what is now and the wish to give of myself in whatever way I can.

So, rather than being continuously involved with the question of whether I had done everything I could to help the dear person back then, I found there was now mainly the wish to offer the merit of my training to her. It is very important to look closely at our past mistakes and omissions, and to understand and repent of them, but then we need to move on. This reminds me of a passage in the Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra, where Vimalakirti tells Manjusri Bodhisattva that we should repent our past wrong deeds and omissions, but avoid slipping into the past.¹

As I have already said, it seems to me that, when the full and willing “Yes” of the heart is there whenever we meet that which is still pained in us, our heart also tends to open more fully to other beings. Thus, the effort of not turning away from difficult aspects of our humanity is not just done for our own sake – in time it opens the gate to a deeper embracing of the suffering of other beings, and to an offering of merit.

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By approaching what is pained and unresolved with openness and a refuge-taking heart, in time something in us comes to recognize that, what seemed at first separate from our true nature, is not separate from it, but is embraced within it. This reminds me of a very precious teaching Reverend Master Jiyu passed on to us. In her book How to Grow a Lotus Blossom there is the illustration of a person (in this case a monk, but it could be anybody) standing in Gasshō in the midst of the Knot of Eternity.²While realizing that Reverend Master Jiyu`s explanation of the meaning of this chart goes much deeper than my explanations here, for me it could also relate to what I have been trying to express:

In this context, the person standing upright and in Gasshō also represents the “Yes” of the heart and our turning towards Buddha within our heart, in the middle of all the seeming uncleanness caught in the Knot of Eternity and the aspects of our humanity that appeared to us like a hindrance to orienting ourselves towards the true Refuge.

When we abide in this way inwardly, we come to realize that what previously seemed separate from the immaculate nature of existence and eternal Love – which is here depicted as the Knot of Eternity – is in reality not separate from It.

May we not exclude anything from our effort in training, may we not turn away from anything.

Notes

1. The Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra, translated and edited by Charles Luk, Shambala Publications 1972, page 52.

2. How to Grow a Lotus Blossom, by Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett, Shasta Abbey Press 1993, plate LVII.