Lawlor, Kate

This is the story of a seemingly ordinary day in my life in February 2022. My sister had driven us to our weekly Sōtō Zen meditation class. We had not been able to find parking so we had to drive a little distance away and park at the end of a narrow lane which was a no through road. It ended at the entrance to a large estate and area of woodland. We were vaguely aware of a large tarmac lorry at the end of the road, but did not think anything of it. My sister parked carefully and close to the pavement.

Two hours later, we emerged from our meditation afternoon. It had been a particularly lovely afternoon and I was feeling very still and quiet. During the second meditation, Allie, a group member, read out the Precept “Do not steal”.  During tea and questions, we discussed all the manners in which stealing could be interpreted.  One of the things that struck me during the reading out of that Precept, was that the doors of zazen always remain wide open for us. Another way of seeing this would be to call it the gateless gate. I find this an inspiring concept, as it is saying that truth is always here every minute and we do not need to grasp after it, for it is already there. We also discussed the reason behind the ceremonial and attention to detail in our tradition, and why there is this approach. In our tradition we are encouraged to place shoes neatly outside the meditation room on arrival. We carry out precise and exacting ceremonial, with offering, gongs, bows, incense at the right time. To a newcomer, it can seem quite strange and might even be seen as pious or obsessive. Some may even feel an aversion to it at first. However, the heart of it is about being fully present in the situation. Being right there in the moment. Taking care. By taking care and being present in the ceremony hall, we set an example of taking care in our lives, avoiding carelessness, being aware of our surroundings and of others around us, and being generally present in all we do in our ordinary daily lives.

When we got back to the car, I was feeling very still indeed and the words for The Scripture of Great Wisdom were resonating in my head “When one with deepest Wisdom of the heart….”

It is not that I am always still, in fact far from it. After more than fourteen years of regular sitting practice, I still fly off the handle sometimes and experience all the usual human range of emotions. Anger, anxiety, low mood and all the others regularly pay me a visit. I am not sure I get fewer of those feelings than before, but I think the main difference now is that I can see their impermanence more than I could, and have a clearer view of the nature of my own suffering, and possibly of the suffering of other people I interact with.

Anyhow, as we approached the car, we were greeted with quite a sight.  Since we had left, more cars had parked behind us. The huge tarmac lorry had tried to leave and pass one of these cars. In doing so, it had become totally stuck and could go neither forward nor backwards. A wooden post on the grass verge opposite further added to the dilemma, and the driver could not manoeuvre his vehicle without damaging and even lifting the offending parked car.

People had come out to see what was going on. I saw a local woman bearing a tray of hot drinks for the driver and his assistant.  When we looked, we could see that the car that was causing the blockage had been parked carelessly. The wheels were not straight and it had left too much space between itself and the pavement. The lorry driver told us he had been waiting there, stuck for two hours. The police were trying to trace the driver but to no avail. We were stuck too, until the lorry could move. I was expecting the lorry driver to be angry or frustrated as his shift had long since finished and he was ready to make the long journey home to Gloucester. Instead, I was amazed to see him being so kind and patient. He was joking and smiling and did not seem to bear a grudge or be angry about his predicament. He had the stature and look of a laughing Buddha and also the cheerful serenity. He was an ordinary man in an ordinary job, but one who had the chance to act either in anger or the opposite to anger, and he had chosen the latter.

While my sister and I waited and pondered on the best action to take, we got to thinking about the situation unfolding in front of us. We both admitted that the driver of the obstructing car had not parked extremely badly, just carelessly. Both of us felt that on a rushed day, we might have easily done the same without thinking. Yet the consequences had now caused considerable havoc and the consequences were playing out, following the driver`s lack of care and thought. Equally, if the lorry driver had been fully present and aware on driving down the narrow street, he might have noticed that he was passing a school where parents would be likely to park. He would have noticed that the very narrow street had few cars parked on it, but it would only take one car to park badly and he would be stuck. He too could have anticipated and predicted. He probably looked without seeing.

I myself have a strong trait to be careless. I go about my daily life too quickly. I feel rushed most of time, despite being semi-retired. I no longer have to rush around as I did when I was a nurse but I still struggle to slow down and take more care. This is my particular kōan in daily life, so I feel I understood how all this could have happened.

Seeing this seemingly fairly ordinary situation play out in front of me; a big tarmac lorry stuck in a tiny lane; a badly parked car whose driver would be blissfully unaware of the police trying to call them and of the charade playing out; the lady bearing hot tea, and myself and my sister also stuck – and she would be late for her tutoring job which she was due back for. I was suddenly filled with a light bulb realisation. After years of theorizing about mindfulness, awareness of the moment, pausing, slowing down and above all, being present in that moment, I was utterly blown away by the concept of paying attention to the now. LOOKING and really opening my eyes. I was suddenly struck by the massive value of the small things leading to the bigger things. The putting down of the shoes neatly; the ceremonial; the bows; the care with our environment, the equipment we use and most importantly having an understanding of cause and effect. Our small daily actions make a massive difference. The driver of the car, if they had been aware, would have noticed the tarmac lorry and its need to exit at some point, and would have parked in a thoughtful and caring way. Likewise, the lorry driver could have been more present and aware of the likelihood of cars parking in the narrowest part of the road. The lorry driver was a personification of Buddha with his kindness and patience, and he made a bad situation better. The kind local woman made the situation better with her tray of tea. We too often have these small but significant opportunities to make the world a slightly better place. Do we always see them I wonder?

We can all make a difference. We do not need to be in a prestigious job to make a difference. We can just wake up to the present moment. We can look around us and see what needs doing right now. I was humbled by the situation, as for the first time, I was aware with utter clarity of the significance of being here now, doing what is good to do and making a difference in our own small everyday way.

The Precept of not stealing can mean so many things. The careless driver stole the lorry driver’s time. Other Precepts all link in. The lorry driver chose not to speak ill of the driver who had caused the obstruction. The lady with tea was carrying a kind and selfless offering. We all have the opportunity to be awake to what needs doing right now. I am so grateful for our ongoing practice and the Sangha. Training with others is such a privilege.

There is one more twist to this tale. We decided to attempt to exit the scene so that my sister would get back in time for her client. We thought we would attempt to enter the wood where the road reached a dead end, and see if we could find an escape route. As we entered the large gates, we caught a glimpse of a white van, disappearing through the trees. We followed it in pursuit and found ourselves in a seemingly deserted building yard – but there was the white van. Of all the coincidences, it was the chap who had done our patio! He insisted on escorting us – going some miles out of his way – to an exit from the wood which was not open to the public. He was the most cheerful and kind man and also had a serenity and caring quality. It felt like another lesson in trust and kindness in an unexpected situation.

May all beings be happy. May all beings be free from suffering. May I do only good.