Fuden Nessi, Rev. Master

This article is based on an online Dharma talk to the German congregation at the end of 2020.

At the end of the year, this is my wish for us: may we – in the midst of all that we go through in life and of our inner responses to what is happening – more and more actively seek the help of Buddha within our heart. May this become a habit for us.

As human beings, we tend to perceive things mainly from the perspective of the self-oriented and discriminative mind, and steer our life from that position. Especially at times when our own suffering and that of people close to us – or more generally the great suffering in this world – hits us more strongly, something in us lets us know that this perspective is not enough. Something keeps prompting us to look deeper into our heart and to search for the true refuge there. When we are still, we hear this inner call.

When we meditate, we are responding to this call. While we are probably not aware of this most of the time, when we turn within and sit still in the midst of all that comes and goes in our mind, our gaze starts to direct itself towards Buddha in the heart. And when this happens, that which is fundamentally good and true starts to show itself.

Similarly, right in the midst of all the thoughts and feelings that are engendered in us by what is happening in daily life, we keep making the effort to look towards our spiritual heart. In time, this effort becomes like a background-intention, one that we get more and more familiar with.

This contemplative abiding in daily life is not something spectacular. When it becomes more stable and constant though, it also becomes easier to approach what is difficult and incomprehensible, in us and in the world, with an open heart, and not just from the position of our views, opinions and our conditioned patterns of responding to events.

Sometimes we then see how often old patterns condition our current thinking and actions. In straightforward situations of daily life, most of the time we may not recognize it when we are driven by these very personal patterns. We may only become aware of this when events in our life hit us more strongly. I have often observed that it is when life is difficult for us, that we are more likely to turn towards the Refuge.

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This was all by way of an introduction. To illustrate what I’ve said so far, I would like to recount a straightforward episode from myself. I chose this example, because perhaps some of you will be able to identify with it. For me the example shows how a fundamental turn-around can take place in our consciousness, when in daily life we turn towards our true heart and take refuge there.

So here is my example: at some stage in the past someone acted in a way which had a deep effect on me and left me in a distressed state. At the time I was quite surprised at the strength of my feelings. In this desperate state I found myself going out of the house and walking around aimlessly in the surroundings.

In the midst of these strong emotions, I made the effort not to just slip into despair, or to blame the other person for this painful situation. As best I could at the time, I turned within, faced my inner turmoil and confusion, and asked the Buddha for help. Even so, at first there was only a blank numbness in me, and this continued for a good while.

After a while though, in the midst of the bleak inner landscape there started to appear a little point of light; very faintly at first, then more clearly. This little “light” at first took the form of a fundamental trust; one that, if it was expressed in words, would go something like this: “I can look for the true refuge in my heart, even in this distressed inner state! Even in the midst of these powerful feelings, I can turn towards Buddha in the heart.”

So, firstly came the re-appearance of trust. The faith that this so essential spiritual endeavor is always possible, even in difficult circumstances. Perhaps we think that this is obvious, but experience shows that when it comes to it, for most of us it isn’t that obvious at all!

As I have sometimes expressed in the past, I am convinced that our faith in this fundamental spiritual capability – that we can go for refuge in the heart even when we are inwardly strongly under siege – not only helps us now, but will also greatly support us in the dying process.

Secondly, a turn-around of my view took place, mainly of the other person involved in this situation. When beforehand in my dismay, my view was turned “outwards” – by which I mean enmeshed in the net of my feelings and thoughts – my impulse had been to blame the other person for this situation.

This fault-finding attitude was now gradually replaced by empathy for the other person and the suffering they were in at the time. To some degree, I was able to understand why the person had acted in the way they did.

So, a fundamental change in my view happened, which brought a clearer understanding of the other person’s situation, and empathy. When we understand the suffering of others more deeply, selfless love is not far away.

Finally, a small insight into why this particular situation had such a strong impact on me occurred. I remembered how as a boy or young adolescent, when the suffering of people who were close to me used to express itself strongly, I would sometimes leave the house and wander around aimlessly in the streets in a numb state, at times even when it was already dark outside. I now realized that, even after all these years, the suffering of people close to my heart can still evoke very similar responses in me as back then.

In this context it feels important to mention that, when today I think of the dear people whose suffering I witnessed as a boy, my heart bows in gratitude. I owe them so much, also for having indirectly pointed me towards devoting my life to the Buddha-Dharma.

To summarize: first came the faith that we can turn towards the true refuge even in the midst of difficult inner states, then a change from fault-finding to an empathic understanding, and following on from that, a small insight into what lay underneath my confusion and distress at the time. And the main teaching was how important it is that I not allow my responses to the suffering of others to be colored by my own confusion.

Again, I have used this example to illustrate the precious turn-around that can take place – and that I have often observed – when we go for refuge to Buddha in our heart, rather than just relying on what goes on in our thought processes.

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At this point someone could say: “This is all very well, if we’re just talking about our own life and personal difficulties. But what does this have to do with the great suffering I see in this world, that always pains me so much? That’s a wholly different story, isn’t it?”

Yes, it is different, but not altogether. What we base ourselves on inwardly, will always condition our perception and our responses to what is happening; whether in our inner world, what comes to us in life, the actions of our fellow human beings, or more generally what is happening in the world.

When our perception is based only on discriminatory thinking, then judgments, like and dislike, and a sharp division between good and evil can easily arise in us. When, for example, we hear of the harmful deeds of people, we need to be very careful not to slip into despising thoughts or aversion towards them. When we do this, we ourselves bring suffering into this world. And through the despising attitude we block our access to knowing the fundamental goodness inherent in existence.

It is possible to recognize when people create suffering for others, without our getting caught in anger and aversion. When the heart turns towards Buddha, our wish for the good of beings includes all beings, and we can offer the merit of our endeavor in training to all of them.

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I would like to end with something that Buddhist sages of the past have pointed us to, which – as I understand it – could be summarized and rendered as follows:

Thanks to sentient beings, compassion arises. It appears, when we look at beings with a heart turned towards Buddha, and not just with the self-oriented and discriminative mind.

The compassion in turn gives rise to the heart-wish for the good of all beings, and to the intention to give of ourselves in whatever way we can for their benefit.

As this wish and intent penetrates and guides our thinking and actions, we contribute to the immeasurable merit of the Dharma that helps all beings.

When we observe some of our responses to what is happening in us and in the world, we may then wonder whether what the old sages have expressed is just an ideal, something that is far removed from us and hard to reconcile with our humanity.

I don’t feel that this is so, and I believe that we can all work towards applying their profound teaching in our life.

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