A transcript of a Dharma talk given during a meditation period at Throssel’s Segaki retreat in October 2024.

 

In the chapter of Shōbōgenzō, “Shōji”, or “Birth and Death”, Dōgen says the following:

This birth-and-death is the life of Buddha. If you try to exclude it, you will lose the life of Buddha. If you cling to it, trying to remain in it, you will also lose the life of Buddha. Only when you don’t avoid birth and death or long for it will you enter the Buddha’s mind.

However do not analyse it or speak about it. Just set aside your body and mind, forget about them, and throw them into the house of Buddha; then all is done by Buddha. Seek nothing else.¹

It seems that the way is long. There can appear mountains and great rivers. There may be a profound sense of need; an experience of lacking something. We search – near and far. We may try to find connection through relationship, or through experience or attainment. It seems to elude us. There is an urgency in the need to know. Aspiration continues. We drop the searching, and all that drives us. Nothing can be attained in this way. Every aspect of the person that we have become – it is just that. We let it be seen – and fall away.

We honour the silence. Each day returning. The quieting down of all that we may have carried for so long, and all that we believe ourselves to be. The still and empty heart. We throw ourselves in, and leave it behind. Allow the depth to reach all things. Forget – completely forget – and let zazen be.

One of the first chapters of Shōbōgenzō is an essay that Dōgen wrote soon after returning from China called Bendōwa or On the Endeavour of the Way. It was his first attempt to express his thinking in the Japanese language.

He says the following:

 When even for a moment you sit upright in Samadhi expressing the Buddha mudra, the whole world of phenomena becomes the buddha mudra and the entire sky turns into enlightenment….

…This being so, the zazen of even one person at one moment imperceptibly accords with all things and fully resonates through all time. Thus in the past, future and present of the limitless universe, this zazen carries on the limitless transformation endlessly and timelessly. Each moment of zazen is equally the wholeness of practice, equally the wholeness of realization.²

This seems extraordinary, and it is challenging to us. Can we engage as wholeheartedly as this? Are we willing? What about this that I may believe is holding me back? We are exploring practice and realization completely. We must leave behind all ideas about it along with all that we assume that we are. Zazen is not something that we are making happen. It eludes all attempts to understand and describe it. Every judgement and opinion falls away here. Definitions disappear. Fear and desire cannot be sustained. This is not to deny that great effort and careful study of ourselves is essential too.

Often we have a sense of ourselves in relation to others, influenced by all that has happened to us, and all that we do. There is a way that this seems necessary in our daily lives. But we need to explore how this conditions us at the deepest levels. In zazen, it is not actually like this. Going on exploring this opens up a different way of being. We could say that all our experience and conditioning is not substantial in the way that we believe. We could also say that form is empty. Whatever we say, we must continue looking. Being there. Words fall away. It cannot be defined.

As soon as we come to zazen, something is known. It can be as if we acknowledge what we most long for, and are in the presence of what is most deeply known. For most of us, as we go on, everything that seems to stand in the way appears at different times and in subtly different forms. All our fears and desires pull in many ways, and we sit still. Past hurt or trauma, things that we have done and not done, and all that is there for us to give in this moment, play themselves out. The choices we make, our many layers of judgment and opinion, and all that we hold close, or turn away from, ask for attention.

In zazen we don’t do anything. Judgement cannot be sustained. Something takes our focus and its form continues to change. Maybe something is shown that is helpful. Perhaps we need to do or say something – or refrain from doing something. Then this is gone too. We can wander long in the desert  – feeling lost. We have times of inspiration and clarity. There can be deep levels of grief, sometimes without an obvious cause. There can be joy, great lightness, and times when it is very much about being with others. There can be solitary and lonely places, and sometimes we can’t easily meet others or find connection.  Maybe we talk a lot, and have much to say. Then there can be deep silence, when no words come. We need to be able to be with others like this too, without judgement.

We may think that we move steadily from darkness towards light; from the isolating feelings of hate, fear and grief, towards love, compassion and wisdom. We can easily measure ourselves like this. This is not how the way seems to be, nor the human condition. In zazen, there isn’t a need to compare, or for one thing to become another; nor a need to resolve anything. We let it be as it is. The restless searching and comparing may continue, but there is boundless existence. This becomes the ground.

Are we casting off body and mind, or are we holding on? Often we go back and forth. We see ourselves getting involved. This is often enough. What is our aspiration? We are changing habits gradually, seriously, over time. “No, I don’t wish to do this anymore. I can respond differently”. We cannot deny the presence of hate, and our deeply felt prejudices; likes and dislikes. To really see this is not to want to continue it. But there is more letting go; always. Why do I feel threatened by something or someone? We can just see this. Why do I turn towards comfort or love, and grasp after something or someone? We see this too; but don’t judge. There is usually more that we need to feel in coming to understand the roots of what is painful to us. Much kindness is needed. It starts with accepting it in ourselves, and this can enable the possibility of understanding others. We wish to be able to help beings, and respond with compassion. We can feel drawn to many causes where action seems to be needed. This is admirable, and often very unselfish. Sometimes this involves risk to ourselves. But there may be a silent call, usually very close to home. Can we hear this? Zazen allows this depth of hearing. There can be a response that is not what we might expect. It is to do with real connection; not coming from the mind that is dealing in opposites. This is where we sit, and the offering that can be made if we hear like this, involves all beings.

We can spend much energy distracting ourselves and finding reasons to doubt. We just see this, and go on. Often there may be something that needs our attention, or possibly something that we best not continue doing. It is natural to ask, “Am I enough? Am I doing enough?” or feel, “If I wasn’t like this, would it be different?” All of this matters less as we go on. It is not answered by that mind. There isn’t an answer to these concerns; a right amount; a right person to do it; nor right conditions. The conditions are the ones that are present; the person is the one that we are, and the need depends on our ability to see what is already here.

In Tanahashi’s translation of Shōbōgenzō, he comments on Bendōwa, and explains the following:

Using a set of imaginary questions, Dōgen responds to doubts and skepticism by those accustomed to conventional Buddhist practices. One question is as follows:

Home leavers are free from various involvements and do not have hindrances in zazen in pursuit of the way. How can the laity, who are variously occupied, practice single-mindedly, and accord with the buddha way which is unconditioned?

Dōgen answers:

Buddha ancestors, out of their kindness, have opened the wide gate of compassion in order to let all beings enter realization. Who among humans and heavenly beings cannot enter?…

…This just depends on whether or not you have the willingness. It does not matter whether you are a layperson or a home leaver. Those who can discern excellence invariably come to trust in this practice. Those who regard worldly affairs as a hindrance to buddha dharma think only that there is no buddha dharma in the secular world; they do not understand that there is no secular world in buddha dharma.³

We just do what seems to be good. Unselfish. We go on, and the choices that we make change. We realize that it is becoming less to do with what we want, and more for the benefit of others. There is always further to go, but we become aware of a genuine wish to live in accordance with, and to help beings. This means not indulging like and dislike. It means feeling the consequences of acting against others, or not considering the effects of our speech and action.

It can appear as not feeling the way that we used to, when the usual causes are there. Not creating the same thoughts; or not doing things that strengthen doubt and confusion. It can be that we are fine with a situation that we never would have chosen; or can be still in the presence of suffering. Maybe we respond compassionately in the midst of anger and threat. We realize that we just don’t see it in the way that we used to. However much pain there is, it cannot remain so in zazen. Great joy is not a lasting state either. Nothing is fixed in any way, and this understanding opens up as we go on.

There is no denying the need to do the work that is here now. We may fear what might happen if we let go, and so we continue to hold on, or push away. This appears to limit our understanding. We can feel that we need a lot, so we cling. Or we deny, so we reject. We are getting used to a sense of ‘no thing’, or ‘nothing’, in the most positive of ways. We will only partly perceive this if we are insisting on our own perspective; the perspective of ‘me’. This has to go, and in zazen we cannot hold onto it because it is not truly there. We return, and look. “Is there a self in the way that I believe, or not?” There is constant change, and nothing of that nature that we can define as such. It is the action of observing; seeing things come and go; moving across the inner landscape as a myriad different forms.

Dōgen says,

Know that the practice of zazen is the complete path of buddha dharma, and nothing can be compared to it.⁴

We go on in darkness and light, and the way appears. It is in the falling away that this becomes apparent. Something guides us, if we can allow; if we can be quiet enough to see and hear it. There can be a sense of stillness, where we hear the silence; the empty place where things take form; and where nothing begins or ends.

The lessening of self-concern and all that comes from this is a direct result. Always further to go, and more to see. Humility may be one of the most essential qualities. So vast, in relation to me. All beings teach us; all circumstances show the way. Maybe too difficult sometimes; maybe not fair. We bow, and go on.

Understanding a presence which is not limited to me, frees us from the limiting perception of the mind of discrimination. This mind has its place, and will continue to function as needed. But it can’t reach our complete existence because it can’t perceive in this way. Until we see its constraints, we are obscuring our inherent connection with all things.

We know compassion, love and wisdom – in ourselves, and in others. The same with greed, hate and delusion, or fear and desire. There is no opposition here – we need to know this too, otherwise there is always a tension that we feel we can’t resolve. We observe this. Today I see the action of hate, and can hear myself justifying and defending. What is there still to see, and am I willing? Return to the work within this heart, and do it. There may be something I am not letting in. It is very subtle to move off on a habitual chain of behaviour and thought, in the way that we always have.

Sometimes this is demanding; we don’t know what is holding us back. We can feel lost, and lose faith.

It is very significant that we are here. We acknowledge that meditation is the gateway, and we wish to go. As the way opens up, we become more able to see how we turn away. When we do, there may be a call which can be hard to ignore. It will be difficult too, and it is not to do with anything that we want it to be, or think it should be.

As the senses continue to become quiet, there is something that cannot be known in the conventional way. No matter how far we search. It cannot be done by doing.

Meditation reaches beyond thought and words. The discriminatory mind cannot understand. It falls into silence. This is where we sit, whether we know it or not.  There is action that comes from here. It is less affected by conventional views of right and wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn’t. It comes from a depth of hearing that is not conditioned.

It makes a profound difference to start the day with zazen; before speech and action begin. Day after day, we come to know a strong and unbreakable foundation. We can return here. This is present, and through zazen we come to know it. In the midst of feeling lost; in the depth of despair and difficulty, we can affirm our true intention. We face ourselves, and all beings. Just be with it. “I will be here”; “I can bear this”.

We begin the day with six bows. We bow to the Buddha; we bow to each other – all beings. We bow because we wish to let go. In the falling away, something is being realized. We bow to allow it; to join it, and to go on ceasing to obstruct it. We join – with gratitude, when it is there – and humility. We bow, whatever we are feeling; however it is. It doesn’t matter whether we want to, or whether we feel like it. We are relinquishing the one that I believe that I am.

The few words in The Scripture of Great Wisdom say everything. It is our endeavour to understand suffering. Kanzeon knows. The deepest wisdom is there in the heart. The five skandhas are void, unstained and pure. We are empty.

…what is form is pure – and what is pure is form. The same is also true of all sensation – thought, activity and consciousness.⁵

Look and see. Regardless of how it seems. Never mind how certain we are – look again. Great humility is needed. That is why we bow. “I might be wrong”. It is never actually this. We are finding a way to live that allows this ever-changing nature to find expression.

If we only know form, there is a vast dimension that always eludes us. Depth and meaning seem to be beyond our reach. As we sit, form is always changing. Emptiness is there in all things. Form breaks up, and together form and emptiness find expression.

“For here there is no suffering.” It is in the depth of being that we let go of pain, memories, and things that we have felt for so long. They all have a place here. We go on – acknowledging what we feel. It is here that suffering can rest. In the realization of what is present, so much ceases to exist. In this cessation there is all that we need.

Dōgen said:

Spreading the way of buddha ancestors does not depend on place or circumstance. Just consider that today is the beginning.⁶

 

Notes

1.TREASURY of the TRUE DHARMA EYE: Zen Master Dogen’s Shobo Genzo. Tanahashi, Kazuaki. Ed. Shambala, 2012, p. 966.
2. As above, p. 62-64.
3. As above, p. 74.
4. As above, p. 69.
5. The Liturgy of the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives for the Laity. Shasta Abbey Press, 1990. P. 73.